Twenty-two and I Thought My Life Was Over

by Chauntele
(Ontario,CA)

It all started from when my ex boyfriend broke up with me. It had left me vulnerable and heartbroken, only because I've lost friends as well as losing myself in the process.


I started looking for possible relationships with guys that were clearly impossible.

Anyway, I came across this guy that I felt was the "ONE". We spent nights talking and laughing. It had all lead from laughing, to touching, to kissing and to me asking if he had a condom. Unfortunately, he didn't. I was very hesitant, for I felt uncomfortable and unsure -- wishing I didn't surrender to temptation, I did. The past couple days, I didn't feel myself anymore - I felt like a part of me had flown away somewhere.

I began to shave my parts and I came across a bump and I really thought it was just an ingrown hair. So I continued, the next day, I broke out in a rash with bumps and it became painful. I really thought it was from the razor and that I just used a dull blade.

Anyway, the internet scared me and pushed me to go the clinic and the doctor had said "Yup, looks like herpes". I laid there with a blank expression on my face, my fingers over my mouth. She had asked me if I wanted to speak to the nurse and I strongly disagreed for I wanted to console myself. As the doctor began to draw blood from me,
I broke into sobbing tears. Asking her if she thought it was or if she was sure it was. She had told me that it was blisters and that in a couple weeks we'll know for sure. Right now, I'm still in denial about it, still searching for a misdiagnosis -- hoping that God is just teaching me a valuable lesson.

I have a week to wait to get back my results, but I'm sure that it is Herpes and I'm here trying to prepare myself for the new lifestyle that I am about to encounter.

As I cried and cried myself to sleep; I've sobbed to myself. Did I really deserve this? All I wanted was a friend. And here I am sitting with Herpes.

I'm looking at this whole situation as a metaphor. All I wanted was a friend and I ended up with Herpes. This is something that is definitely going to be with me my whole life and it will be here to help me better my health, find out who really is there for me and determine if the guy that I will end up with, is the one for me - for he will accept my flaws and all.

I just wish that I didn't have to go through all this- for I have already been through enough. But things happen for a reason and I can't sit here and cry about it anymore - I just have to deal with it.

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