Please Please Help

by Miserable
(Texas)

I am a 23 year old female who is positive for hsv - 2. I was wondering if I haven't had an outbreak in a long time, have no signs or symptoms of an outbreak coming on, and am taking daily suppressive medicine for this is it possible for my boyfriend to perform oral on me without protection such as a dental Dam and not get infected in his mouth region? Or do we always have to use oral protection to prevent spreading?


Also, I was diagnosed 1 week ago after having a long mutually monogamous relationship I cheated one time and got this. I feel worthless and miserable for doing this to the love of my life.. Is there hope for me? I feel so dirty even though I've only had 2 sexual partners. Will I ever heal?


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Dear Miserable,

Due to the highly contagious nature of herpes, there is still a risk involved any time you two get intimate. This is because of the phenomenon called viral or asymptomatic shedding, wherein the herpes virus travels a few times in a year up to the surface of the skin without showing signs of an outbreak.

This can be unpredictable so it’s always better to take precautionary measures and communicate with your partner before the hormones kick in. That way, you can protect him from acquiring the virus.

Kudos to you for taking your suppressive medications religiously, and for practicing safe oral sex. In the end, it’s really up to the discretion of you and your partner to decide the level of risk you are comfortable with.

Just remember to be honest with them from the start, especially when you see being intimate with this person is on the horizon. Our page on Oral Sex Herpes has loads of tips and information which you might find useful!

There is life after herpes. I know it is hitting you hard right now, and there are other things you are going through, but you are still you. You are not dirty, less important, or any of those awful things. Slowly, in time you will learn to live and love with it. The last thing you want to do is blame yourself for this and letting this silly virus control your life.

So take a deep breath and hang in there. Remember, you are not alone. It gets better from here.

Hope this helps!

Gary

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