How do I get past the overtly angry rejection of a love interest?

by Francesca
(Rhode Island)

I am a kind, attractive, accomplished, middle aged woman who was diagnosed with genital herpes over 12 years ago. Since, I've had two long term relationships with men who saw past the virus. Thus, it became a nonentity in our lives.

About 6 weeks ago, I started dating a man who I have fallen hard for. We talked non-stop, had a lot in common, enjoyed each other's company. Last weekend, I told him my news. He was shell shocked but still decided to spend the weekend with me, including protected sex.

However, after the weekend, it was if I never existed. He told me that he cannot get past this news. He said that he wishes I'd never told him, that if something happened, I could have acted as if I didn't know I had the virus. He is not interested in learning more, and has shut me off. I am heartbroken, as I had envisioned a future with this man, and I know that he did the same.

My question is: How can I best move beyond this heartache and feeling that I am less than others? Also, after this experience, I don't know how I'll ever prepare to tell a potential partner again.

Comments for How do I get past the overtly angry rejection of a love interest?

Average Rating

Click here to add your own comments

Oct 07, 2015
Rating

met a guy with herpes ugh
by: Anonymous

I am dating a guy who told me he had herpes the night we were going to have sex for the first time. It freaked me out, but I had sex anyway. He and his former wife both have it. I haven't inquired about where it came from, but I will. in the mean time, this guy is soooo great. we are both in our late 50s and have so much in common. I am thinking I need to stop seeing him. I don't want that virus. I don't want to use condoms. I am scared and frustrated. one of them must have given to the other, which means there is risk.

Apr 06, 2015
Rating

Be strong!
by: Anonymous

I have had genital herpes since December 2013. At first it was hard to see myself as I once was. I had never had a one night stand, so knowing I had contracted it from someone I trusted was devastating!

I recently met someone who I can envision an amazing life with. We just understand each other! I told him a couple weeks into seeing each other, and he understood but had a hard time dealing with it. Considering we have only known each other for such a short time I owed him my patience and willingness to get to know one another before deciding to peruse a sexual relationship.

I never saw this decision as a 'lifelong' choice for my partner until I met him. I am sympathetic and truly understand what it is like to live with this virus, but I have come to realize how important it is to be open and honest with your partner. You have to be optimistic about all of this. Herpes does not define you!

Oct 06, 2014
Rating

happened to me too
by: Anonymous

I'm so sorry. I was dating my guy for about 2 months. I told him after the first week when I realized I wanted to see him more. I don't have break outs, never had. I got it from my ex husband and wouldn't have even know but I got a blood test.

So I know my guy tried to look past it. He also said the same thing to me, he wishes I had never told him. He just broke up with me 3 days ago but didn't say it was the herpes. We had lots of sex, all unprotected. He would stop in the middle of it and say "I'm being reckless".

So we would stop and an hour later he was all over me again. Things were going great and I knew he was trying to figure it all out. But I know in my gut he couldn't get past it. I'm so sad though, I really started to fall in love with him. I thought he accepted me. I hate herpes. I hate having to tell people. :(

Sep 09, 2014
Rating

I sympathize
by: Dave

I am a man who does not have Herpes.

I believe my 'girlfriend' whom I am just starting to date does have it because on one occasion after she got really stressed, she avoided seeing me for about a week and when I did see her by chance she had an apparent outbreak around her nose.

She absolutely hates her ex-husband and so I have a feeling he might be the source.

We have not been intimate yet or even kissed.
I already had the feeling she was somewhat avoiding that.

I feel my feelings towards her might help you.

I don't feel disgusted or angry towards her.
I don't feel like she is a lesser person.

But when I read about herpes I realize I have a very important life-impacting decision to make.

If I decide to end the relationship I feel like I will always regret it. But if I stay I feel like I may eventually regret that, too. I may even end up feeling resentful.

I know from reading the stories here that having herpes is not easy but it is also a horrible dilemma for someone who needs to willingly make a choice to expose themselves to the disease.

Aug 13, 2014
Rating

You did the right thing
by: Anonymous

I just wanted to let you know that you did the right thing by telling him. I can't even imagine how you feel but I can tell you that it's emotionally devastating to have someone expose you to this virus and NOT TELL YOU. You are so brave to have told any potential mate. When a man shows the least bit of interest in me I just walk away because I know I'll never have that kind of courage.

May 11, 2014
Rating

hi
by: Anonymous

I am going through the same thing. I feel your heart ache. I've been crying and feel devastated. I feel like no one accepts the virus. Makes it so hard to live life. I currently started a blog about a detox I am doing. You can follow my journey @ followmyjourney.net.

Click here to add your own comments

Return to Herpes Advice Forum.