D.E.V.A.S.T.A.T.E.D

I still can't believe it. It's been almost a week now since my doctor gave me the news, and I keep hoping I'll wake up and this will all just be a dream. I haven't been able to get over the devastation yet. Am I supposed to stay angry? Should I be upset? Sad? How am I supposed to feel? I turned 30 this past March and everyone tells me these are the best years....I should enjoy and embrace my 30s. The only thing I feel is that my life is over. Who is going to want a 30 year old with herpes? Let's face it; I have a life of rejection ahead of me.


To make this worse and an even bigger kick in the ass, about 3 months ago I was diagnosed with Chlamydia. Yup. STD experience number 1. Oh, and have I mentioned that I was a virgin until I was 26? I dreamed of meeting my husband and sharing it on the wedding night. One crappy relationship after the other led me to give up and I think I went through a phase... And, well, here I am.

I haven't slept in a week. I have no desire to go to work. I have no appetite. I have this rage inside me that I've never had before. And every time I'm around people, I am certain they know....And I feel they are looking at me 'down there.'

My outbreak is brutal. All I want to do is cry. I'm mad at the world. It's even harder because the person who gave it to me lied to me. Said he was clean and had just been recently tested. Then when I suspected something abnormal, he said it was all in my head. I have not spoken to him since the day I found out, after confronting him of course. His last words to me were of blame....Saying I gave it to him. Nice eh?

So, now what? How do I move on? Get over this? Through this? I feel like a walking parasite. I am utterly devastated. How do I prepare for a life of being alone?

This is not how my life was supposed to turn out. The reality of never getting rid of this makes me sick to my stomach. And god....I am so sick of crying.

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Sep 16, 2012
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starstarstarstarstar 		No worries
by: Anonymous

Hey there, I know how depressing it can be. I recently went to the doctor and they told me I could have herpes, syphilis and chlamydia. Yup, all 3. I'm only 17 and for me, my life is over before it has even begun. I've cried and cried but there is no point in dwelling on it anymore. I feel no anger. Life is too short for all of that ya know? So do yourself a favor and pull yourself up! You are not dirty, you should not be embarrassed. This happens to a lot of people.

Unfortunately it happens to people who try to be safe and good partners. Live your life and be happy with it. I'm not sure how religious you are but I believe God has given this to us because he believes we can handle it. He has a plan for us and he will place the right person in your life soon. Don't lose hope! Keep your head up! Everything is going to be okay :-)

Sep 02, 2012
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starstarstarstarstar 		Crazy isn't it?
by: Anonymous

I met this girl about 8 months ago. At first sight, I melted. I was like puddy in her hand. I couldn't get enough of her. We had sex the first night, not because of raging hormones, but because it felt right. I have always been careful, always, I would hold off and get to know the person and gain trust, I always got checked between gfs, I always kept clean. We didn't use a condom but I asked her if she was clean and she said yes, she had been tested. That turned out to be the first lie of many to come.

I later found out she contracted two STDs from 2 different guys and slept with several during our on and off relationship. I was d.e.v.a.s.t.e.d. She was the only one I had sex since my last full clean test and after the first scare I was negative. The second, I was not so lucky. Now I feel used, no good for anyone and disposable... Why? Because I loved too much and it blinded me to the truth. Now I'm tainted for life and have nothing to show for it. All I want is for her to be happy, but why did I have to pay for it?

Aug 16, 2012
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starstarstarstarstar 		same boat
by: Anonymous

Hey there, I'm sorry about your situation. I just got the same diagnosis. It sucks and I've cried a lot. I practiced safe sex but it still happens. Life doesn't seem fair sometimes. But we're in the same boat so remember you are not alone. I didn't think this was something I would have to ever deal with. I wasn't promiscuous. Don't know if it makes you feel better, but I also have HPV. Much rather have it be chlamydia but that's a ridiculous wish. We can't change what we can't change. But be easy on yourself. It will take awhile to come to terms with it. You won't be alone though and you will find someone who will accept you. :)

Hang in there!

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